Monday, July 4, 2011

July 4th

Happy 4th of July everyone, I hope everyone enjoys one of the best holidays of the year in the U.S. As you would imagine, the holidays here are quite different, so I didn't get to experience 4th of July or Memorial Day. In the meantime, Japan did celebrate Children's Day on May 5th. Children's day is, as the name indicates, a day to celebrate the youth of Japan. Those who have children hang carp-shaped flags outside their house. It's a nice holiday to observe because all over town families are gathered doing various activities together (going to the park, barbecuing, shopping, picnic etc.) Most fathers in Japan tend to work early mornings until late nights and don't really have much time to spend with their kids during the week. So you can tell they were really happy to be together with the family. This week on July 7th is Tanabata, a holiday originated from an ancient Chinese legend about a princess and a shepherd. Their love interfered with their duties and they were banished to the Milky Way. So there is only one day of the year they can meet, which is July 7th. They can only meet if it's a clear day. The custom is for participants to write their wish on colored paper streamers and hang them on the bamboo trees. If it is a clear day their wish will come true.

In regards to the family in Japan,  it's really traditional in the sense that fathers work and mothers are the homemakers. For one, men here have too much pride to allow their wife to be making more money than them. But also, most of the Japanese business world is still making a transition into a mixed gender working society where women are more than just a secretary or front desk clerk. Due to this, many traditional minded businessmen are not quite ready to accept a women as their coworker. Furthermore, it also tends to lead to sexual harassment problems. The mothers here are top quality mothers nonetheless. You can tell that the most important thing on their mind is their child's welfare and success.

These days, most young women either go to University or find a job after high school. Those who find a job after high school tend to do normal office work until they get married, then they usually commit to preparing for a family. This may be part of the reason why Japanese people get married and start a family much earlier than Americans. Women who go to University can be a little more free to make decisions such as to try to start a family after graduating or taking advantage of a University education and finding a higher career and such.

Returning to the earlier point about getting married early, this view has some differences from American culture. Many women living in Japan and Korea, largely due to cultural pressures, try to get married and start a family before reaching 30 years old. Of course men and women in America may start to feel pressured once reaching their late 20s, but it seems that there is a lot more pressure on women living in these societies. Once they reach the second half of their 20s, it seems as the "marriage clock" starts to tick. After they reach their 30s, people may start wondering, "Oh what's wrong with her? Maybe she has issues that's why she's not married yet." Whereas in America many people use their twenties as a time to decide whats the best choice for their future, those in Japan are apt to make one decision and stick with it. Although these days it is starting to change, it's very "Japanese" for a man to choose one career, and stick with it until he retires, whether he likes it or not. The simple explanation is that it's steady and safe. So comparing to America where many people in their late twenties decide to go back to school or quit their current job to try something else, that idea tends to be a little farfetched here in Japan.

A bunch of my friends from the gym and soccer team are actually in their 30s, if not early 40s. One guy owns a repair shop and has 2 kids. He doesn't speak a word of English, but always acts like my "senpai" and pays for food whenever we go out after the gym, or buys like small gifts as like a token of his respect. At first it was really strange when he refused to let me pay, because I started thinking he was trying to take me on a date or something, but I made sure he knew my preference for women right away. And once I found out he had a family, I noticed that he was just acting like an older brother because he knows I live here alone. I'm good friends with another girl from the gym who was very easy to befriend considering she loves house music just like I do. But one of my closest friends here in Sasebo is my coworker who is also a health and wellness promoter. She is originally from Chiba (just outside of Tokyo) and lived in Arizona for four years as a high school student. She lives in Sasebo now teaching aerobics, yoga, English as well as all types of health and wellness programs. Thanks to her, I've been able to go that yoga house featured in my pictures, some really cool hiking spots, sea kayaking and eaten her amazing cooking. I also have a few buddies who I met playing soccer when I first got here. Since then I've joined a futsal team and play games when my working schedule permits.

Speaking of generosity, I cannot express the kindness people have in Kyushu. Maybe its because I don't live in a big city, but the people I met are so kind. Most of those that I have met, come to understand my intentions very quickly. Perhaps because I try to express myself in their language to them and tell them my reasoning for living in Japan, but whatever the reason, they show great respect in return. For example, I went to a sushi restaurant with my repair shop friend and started talking with the chef. Just for the record, there are two types of sushi restaurants in Japan: One, the more popular because it's much cheaper, is called kaiten sushi. The restaurant is a bar with the chefs in the middle. The seats surround the chefs and so does this moving track. On this track there are various types of sushi on plates that gradually pass by. You are free to select any plate off this track, or you can directly order from the chef. Each plate consists of 2 pieces of sushi ( the kind with rice and a piece of raw fish on top, not the roll type ) and each plate usually costs $1~2.50. The other is a more traditional type sushi restaurant. There is a bar to sit at, but there are also booths for a more intimate experience. The food at this restaurant resembles that from the sushi restaurants in New York. Not to mention the sushi at these types of restaurants tastes a world better than kaiten sushi. However, taste comes with a price, and this taste is quite expensive. Anyway, we got to chatting with the chef about some random things. I did my best to at least understand the general meaning of most of the conversations we had, but I still have some more studying to do. After some time I started telling him about why I'm here and what my ultimate goals are. He told me to hold on for a second, and comes back with a huge bottle of sweet potato sake and says in English, "Free gift for you."

The next week I saw one of my students, about a 65 year old retired guy, at the gym and we always joke about him working out with me. After his workout he came back with a huge bottle of plum sake and gave it to me as a gift. I'm not really sure what I did to deserve it, but it was a really nice thing to do.

The hospitalities from most people have been incredible, but that doesn't mean it comes from everyone. Some of those who tend to have a more "conservative" mind, may prefer to not have someone like me around. I've felt these kind of hospitalities playing soccer, going to stores and at one point at my gym. In regards to soccer, the style of soccer in Japan is very different from that in America. Whereas American soccer is extremely physical, aggressive and is played with a very direct style, Japanese soccer tends to have less contact and is more of a touch and go style. So at times when I played local friendlies if I made an "aggressive" challenge I'd be reprimanded by my teammates, and also talked down to by other players. They talk to me in a different tone and different style of speech than they do with other players and it's pretty obvious they think differently of me. In that case if it's someone from the opposing team, I don't plan on changing my style of play, it's more motivation to be more aggressive and frustrate them more, friendly match or not.

The worst encounter I had was at the gym. It seemed as if every week the people at the front desk were nagging me about something, but no one else. Maro came to visit in April and when he wanted to work out with me, after the 3rd time they told him he was not allowed to pay the $5 dollar fee, he had to pay $60 if he wanted to work out. Since then they were constantly asking me about payments as if they didn't trust me. Perhaps they had a bad experience with a foreigner in the past, but it was really annoying. I recently upgraded my membership and they kept asking me if I would be "able" to make the payments, although my salary probably doubles theirs. Each time they had to confront me about a situation, they would start speaking really quickly and then say, "is this ok?" And if I didn't understand they would just say, "Japanese is difficult, isn't it." I started to feel like WTF I wanted to grab the little 90lb guy by his neck and beautiful hair that took him probably several hours to perm before work and shake him until he stopped talking down to me because I always came with a smile and tried to speak politely with them. I assume they have no experience studying a foreign language, nor have they traveled because most people who have done so understand how difficult it can be at times to communicate ideas just through words and not with body language, paper, pictures, nothing. So I brought my yoga friend down their one night and she talked with them about the "payment" situation just to clear things up and they finally seemed to understand my intentions. Since then I get greeted with a deep bow and a "Hello Fiore-sama" from the front desk. Madness I tell you.

Overall, people who are different than the general public will always be perceived slightly differently. This doesn't mean they will be treated differently. If you want to be treated differently, then you should act differently. Those who want to be treated with respect just have to carry it with themselves. One of the best ways to remedy a hostile situation can be just with a simple smile. Generally speaking, those who cry that they get treated differently because they look different are targeting the wrong reason why they are being mistreated. Take advantage of that difference, and make people want to feel like they want to know more about you, not feel like you fit their "prejudice checklist".


Thanks for the read everyone. Enjoy your week!

By the way, if anyone has a linkedin account, please let me know! I just started one.

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